I sit down in the steam room.
“Well, I’m leaving,” a girl who
came in moments before stands and announces. “I’m a lightweight.”
I always knew the steam room was an
endurance competition, but I didn’t think anyone else realized how badly they
were losing to me. I am the winner of the steam room.
I’m in the coed steam room because
it’s about twice as hot and steamy as the one in the women’s room. Only wimpy
girls pretend the one in the women’s room is a challenge. Right now the steam
is everywhere. I like low visibility and hearing voices come out of dense
fog.
I have an addictive personality.
This doesn’t have to be a sinister personality trait. Instead of being a
stoner, alcoholic sex addict, I could be
a yoga instructor, steam room enthusiast, tea-drinking writer… But if I drink a
lot of tea then it stains my teeth…
I just never want it to end. It’s
so nice here in the steam. So filled with warmth and peace. Is that at the core
of my every addiction? A pathetic attempt to find meditative peace, to leave my
mind, if only for a moment? It’s really not so bad being in my mind, is it? Why
am I so desperate to escape then?
I head over to the sauna next, but
this (not as) good-looking (as he thinks he is) guy who has bugged me before is
sitting in there, with only two women for company. As I approach, I can already
see he’s on his game. Screw that. I’m not wasting valuable sauna time listening
to this d-bag try and get laid.
I head to the women’s room steam room. Oh good, I’m alone. I like to be alone.
Three biddies enter. Fuck. There’s
no way they’re not going to talk in clucks. One of them takes off her top. OMG
tits. OMG tits. OMG tits. This NEVER happens in the steam room. I have to look
over to confirm that there are in fact tits. And now I feel creepy because I
was overtly trying to look at a stranger’s breasts. Now I have to look ahead as
though I don’t care there are breasts out. But I do care. I really, really
care.
I’m used to seeing hundreds of women’s breasts on a weekly basis, but not in the steam room! This is so
exciting! Maybe the other two girls are going to get topless too! And then, I’ll
casually say, “Well, since you girls are getting naked! I will too!” and then
we’ll all giggle together and be topless best friends.
THEN, SHE PUTS THEM AWAY. Alright,
yeah, these girls are really annoying. I leave.
Time in steam room: 50 minutes (I
know, I have a problem)
Water bottles drank: 2 ½ bottles.
