July 3: Sauna

I sit in a comfortable cross-legged position and close my eyes. I focus on my breath. Rising. Falling. Rising. Falling. 

It’s me and three others, two are speaking in Spanish. I don’t know why, but Spanish seems to be the exception to the No Talking rule. I’m not annoyed. I feel peaceful. Instead of zoning out, which is my default response to things I dont understand, I focus in to see how if Spanish translates to shapes, colors and ideas.

I get about 1/4 of the words. The easier ones mainly. Siempre. Nada. Always. Nothing. Always. Nothing. Nothing. Always. Always nothing. 

In a large rowdy group, six Mexican men enter, and now I’m the only one in the room of ten people without fluent Spanish. Mexico is warmer than America, both in climate and people, and probably they don’t have the no talking rule there. I might as well be in Mexico now. My rules no longer mean shit. 

I think back to when I was 16-years-old. I was living as a high school exchange student for a year in southern Brazil and learning Portuguese through immersion. This sauna is nothing new. I’m used to being the only English-speaker in a room of romance chatter.

I close my eyes, sigh, and pretend I’m a pumpkin. I make a marvelous pumpkin. 

“I feel so stupid,” I told Locky, the Australian exchange student I had a crush on when I was 16. In fact, I had a crush on all of the Australian exchange students. 

The Aussies rotated in to Brazil at different times than the northern hemisphere crowd, and this created a mentor-mentee relationship amongst the exchanges. I’d been in Brazil for 3 months, while the Aussies were at month 9. 

“I feel so stupid. I only understand about 1/4 of what’s said in Portuguese. It’s more frustrating than when I didn’t understand anything at all,” I said to Locky. 

“Pretend you’re a pumpkin,” Locky said.

“What?”

“Pumpkins can’t understand even one language let alone two. No one expects a pumpkin to understand Portuguese.”

“You’re right! I’m better at Portuguese than all of the pumpkins!”  

Ever since, whenever I’m frustrated with my performance as a human being, I pretend I’m a pumpkin.

I’m an incredibly talented pumpkin. 

The more I listen to everyone talking in Spanish, the more my exceptional pumpkin mind seems to open up to the possibility of understanding. 

I understand an entire conversation where a charismatic man discovers that tomorrow is a national holiday, asks the group if they’re teasing him and then goes on about how happy he is now. Also, there’s going to be fireworks tomorrow night at 8. I smile and laugh behind closed eyes. 

Another Mexican man enters and sits too close to me. It is crowded, but I know that he’s done it on purpose. Sitting by me. Everyone begins to clear out, and now with extra space, it’s definitely an intrusion in to my personal area. I stand and walk to the other side of the sauna to sit. 

Time: 22 minutes